I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
