K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
