I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
