nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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