My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
