i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
