All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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