If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
