maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
