I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who did Billy Mays play for?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
