She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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