I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
