Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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