I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
