happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
