at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
