You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
