I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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