i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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