i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
