Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
