Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
