let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
