please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
