so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
