Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
