Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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