I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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