I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
