my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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