so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
