dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
