I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
