Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
