Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
