What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
