just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
