WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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