why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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