your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
