Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
