You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
