chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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