Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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