Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
