I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
