from now on my penis is your penis
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
