Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
