So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
