Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
