His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
