He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
