this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
